(DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. It’s important to remember this is all totally fabricated, embellished, and exaggerated for entertainment purposes.)
I woke up in the evening to Ella Mai’s “No Rush” and tender back kisses. The flat was toasty and dark, all the lights still out. I lay on my stomach facing the bathroom, registering the pillowy brush of his lips down my spine and along the rise of my ass. He slipped his hands around my ribs and tried to pull me over.
“M’soh sore…” I whispered.
“I know…m’sorry.” Only then did I register the sound of the bath running. It’s what he had awakened me for. He rubbed my back as the tub finished filling, then pulled me up. I got up and wrapped my arms around his neck but was too lazy to lift my legs. He carried me stiff as a board to the toilet and we laughed at how stupid I looked dangling from his neck.
I eased down into the steaming water and felt chills creep up the back of my head. The textured floor felt lumpy on the bottoms of my feet. All the cold left my body in an instant. The tub was deep and full of glistening suds. The water sloshed around my shoulders when I sat. When he started to leave, I grabbed his arm.
“Get in,” I pleaded, water trickling loudly onto the floor. He slung a handful of suds onto my face and said he would in a second. Later he returned with his phone and my smokes and climbed over the opposite end. The jets were set high, making water bubble all over the place, so he turned them down a bit and smiled at me.
“How is it, stinky?”
“Warmmm…” I chuckled, cupping water and pouring it over my reedy arms. The goosebumps vanished. His feet emerged on either side of me. I set mine on either side of him and he twisted my toes until I cried out.
“Why youh tryin’ to hurt me?!” I laughed uncontrollably, wrestling my foot free of his hold. When I got loose, I curled up away from him and hugged my legs.
“Here…” he said, reaching across and popping a Marlboro between my kiss-swollen lips. Then he lit it with a pack of matches. Eventually he lit one for himself too.
“I don’t want youh to smoke, babe,” I tried to take the smoke from his mouth with my toes, but he stood up. “It’s nasty, babe. It’ll kill ya.”
“Then why the fuck do you do it??”
“I’m me. I’m different.”
“The rationale of a nutjob, that is.”
“I could go for a nutjob right about now,” I chuckled. He sat back down and reached between my legs, grabbing ahold of my nuts.
“Ouch, chill!” He loosened his grip with a laugh and blew smoke into my face.
“What’s going on online?”
“It’s quiet,” he scrolled through the phone. “Twitter’s dead. IG’s dead.”
“I’d rather have no news than bad news.”
About midway through, he put the cigarette out and massaged my feet and calves; making me wince. I lay back and enjoyed the firm pressure of his fingers kneading the knots from my soles and the back of my legs. I did a lot of walking in New York and hadn’t realized how much I could use a massage. I nearly slipped under then, slinking further and further towards him as my body weakened with pleasure. Occasionally he lifted a foot out of the water and kissed the back of my toes. When he tried to suck them, I stopped him.
“C’mere…” he said quietly. I butted the cigarette on the brim of the tub and crawled to him through a mountain of suds. He made me straddle his lap and wouldn’t stop tickling me behind the knees and under my armpits.
“M’not ticklish broh. Give it a rest!”
“We’ll see about that. I know your body better than you do.”
“How much you wanna bet?” He bit his lip and tickled my nipples. I forfeited right away because I nearly pissed myself laughing. He was entirely right. Afterwards I made him a beard out of suds. He made a short video of it and recorded me as well. Then he used the handheld shower to clear his face.
“Hey!!!” I cried when he sprayed me square in the eye. I could barely snatch it from him for laughing so hard. “We’re a disaster!”
When he reached for it again, I grabbed his hand and bit it. Something about the action turned me on irrationally. I bit him again and again and enjoyed his hisses of pain.
“Harder…” he demanded. I opened his hand and bit the meatiest part. He groaned like I was jerking him off. Now I took his longest finger into my mouth, swallowing it in one gulp. Fucking my face with it.
“Fuckkk….” he exhaled, eyes rolling into the back of his head. I slowly rotated my tongue around the fingertip, biting back down to his knuckle.
“Kiss me, fucker…” I quickly obeyed, taking his tongue into my mouth, absorbing him; biting his lip as we broke. I rubbed my hands slowly down the front of my body as he massaged my ass. Grinding up into me, making me buck up and down on his lap.
“Ugh, babe…we need to chill!” I tried to come to my senses. “We need to be good. I wanna take you somewhere.”
“Where?” came his dazed reply, as he dug his fingers into my achy asshole.
“I dunno…” I moaned, meditating on the feel of him inside me, stroking my tenderness which was still worn out from earlier. God, why couldn’t we stop? Nothing was ever enough. I was so ready for him to get back inside, no matter how much it hurt. Wanted him in my fucking colon. Up the back of my throat.
“Where you taking me, baby?” he murmured, stroking my hole until it felt like I was on the brink of shitting. I wanted to feel his mouth there. His tongue inside, poking around. He made me turn around like he had read my mind. I hunkered over on all fours in front of him, face hovering above the surface of the water. Breathing in its soapy warmth. We were disgusting. Unwashed. Couldn’t go a minute without it. I shut my eyes as he slowly parted my cheeks. Murmuring nonsensical things into me. Lips against my hole.
“Fuck…” I rasped, awaiting the brush of his tongue. I clenched in anticipation. He kissed me repeatedly. Fluttery, barely there kisses. Ghosting his lips around. Soon it landed, heavy and slimy, rimming me while his hand pulled at my flopping cock beneath the water. I was in fucking heaven. Please don’t make me leave this place. Please don’t make me leave. It was all I wanted. All that this day had been. To cook with him. To celebrate his successes. To laze about with him. To let him fuck me stupid.
His longest finger slipped inside and I nearly jumped from my skin. I was so fucking tender from earlier I couldn’t tell whether it was pleasure or pain. Whatever it was, I didn’t want it to stop. I grinded back onto his hand as he found my sweet spot, working it as I grew weak in the knees. I nearly fell face-first into the water. Soon I sat up, bracing my hands on the brim of the tub.
“Fuck…fuck…fuck…” I whimpered, shutting my eyes and tossing my head back. Each deep stroke raked down my core, making my guts tremble. I tried telling him how good it was but my words were a pathetic gurgle. He slipped another finger inside, massaging my enflamed folds until the soreness ebbed and there was nothing but appalling pleasure.
I wrapped my hand around his on my cock up front, making him pull harder and faster. Water was sloshed everywhere. I was panting so loud I thought the neighbors could hear. Everything uttered aloud in the bathroom was like it was spoken into a lewd megaphone.
“Scream for me…” he said. I obeyed, yelling ‘Fuckkkkkk!’ at the top of my lungs.
“Louder…” I shouted again. “Louder, Z. Show me how much you love me…” I yelled until my head ached. “You don’t love me,” he spat. I immediately hollered; throat growling. Speaking unintelligible, blood-curdling things. I think I said I would kill him. I think I said I hated him. That I hated me. God I wanted to feel him in me again. His power splitting me, ramming me, filling my guts. Redefining what I knew of pain and its role in my life. His vigor dwarfing me. Subduing me.
Now his finger shot so far into my I screamed uncontrollably, falling back into him. He caught me and kissed my wet hair, stroking my cock unhurriedly. When I unloaded it was like I hadn’t came in years. It shot out unseen; an eruption that rippled the surface like an underwater missile. An inordinate amount of nut left my body, leaving me mortified. I hurried out of the water, weak-limbed and dripping wet. Panting like a maniac. Haz climbed out behind me with a laugh, pulling me into the shower to wash off. I couldn’t look him in the eye. He kept laughing at how humiliated I was, hugging me as I collapsed into him. It was ok for me to be weak for a while. He was taking care of me and it was ok to let him. I needed to keep my guard down and be loved.
As we dried off and got dressed in the bedroom, he asked me where I wanted to take him. I never got around to finishing the thought earlier while he was stroking me.
“One of my haunts. It’s soh fuckin’ dope, babe. You’ll love it.”
“Good,” he came over and held my face between his hands, eyeing my damp hair and red nose. He pushed a few wavy tendrils from my forehead, gazing unreservedly into my eyes. “I want to go everywhere you love. Show me where you hide, gorgeous.”
I couldn’t fathom how it felt like we were just starting out. Like we were still getting to know one another; perpetually. We were robbed of the opportunity to grow bored since we were forced to spend so much time apart. That’s why in those rare moments when he became Harry and not Haz, forcing me to become a gentler, more defenseless version of myself, he made me extraordinarily insecure. Nervous, actually. Like I was hanging with my crush for the first time. Still trying to impress him with my corny ways.
“You have no clue how I feel right now,” he whispered, wrapping both hands around my neck and kissing me. He borrowed more clothes and I gave him something warm to put on since it was getting late and we were headed towards the water. We both wore hoodies and beanies. Why couldn’t we stop kissing? He backed me against the door and we made out for a while, his hand slipping down the front of my pants, squeezing me till I had a semi, then leaving me to be tortured the rest of the day.
We left the building one by one, holding hands until the last possible second. I let his fingers slip from within mine and hung back bas he went. I exited a little later from the front door of the building and walked to the opposite end of the street. We met up several blocks away and strolled side-by-side, bumping each other the entire way.
I took him through all the windy, low-key avenues I’d had come to know that year in search of a way to navigate the neighborhood without being spotted. I still wasn’t too sure what I thought of Soho, but I guess it would do for now. G liked it and I didn’t know enough of the city to refute her on any level.
We kept our heads low whenever we had to pass someone on the sidewalk. No one thought much of us, thankfully, and we made it to Taryn’s without being questioned or followed. We’d need a car if we were going to make it to my plans on time. It wasn’t terribly late, but I knew the place we were headed was already closed. I’d called in a favor yesterday and the owner promised to stick around and let me have free reign of the place. I’d rented out the entire building for a couple of hours and couldn’t wait for him to see it. About midway there, I called T to see if she had booked a car.
Outside her building, she came running down the stairs, blue pigtails flailing, shrugging on a backpack. She stopped short on the last step then spun around and ran back up like she’d left something behind. When she reemerged, she had a shit-eating grin on her face.
“Heyyy, guys…” she laughed. “I’m sooo sorry, I almost forgot my wallet.”
“Don’t worry I’m payin,” I said.
“But I still get carded everywhere!” She hugged me. “Hey sweetie!”
“Wussup! T, this is Haz. Haz, this is Taryn, my incredible, amazing, marvelous assistant! More like my mum these days.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard a lot about you. So glad we could finally meet,” he stuck out a hand to shake hers. I couldn’t take my eyes off it. All I could remember were the things those fingers had done to me only moments ago. Sliding in and out of my quivering ass. Stoking me to shudders. Pulling at my pulsing cock. Punishing me.
“Me too,” she breathed, staring up at him like he was the Second Coming. Then she bypassed his outstretched hand and pulled him into a bear hug. “Arghhhh Harry fucking Styles! No way, dude. No freaking way! I seriously can’t believe it!”
“Heyyy,” he laughed as they broke. “Whatever you heard about me, it wasn’t true.”
“I can’t believe you’re here!” Then she looked over at me, shoving my chest. “Dude! It’s Harry freaking Styles!”
“Youh wanna just tell the whole neighborhood there, T?” I quipped.
“My bad, my bad! But, dude, look at him! Gah!” She grinned so hard her eyes were mere slits. “I love him!”
“The fuck??” I gawked. “Since when?? You’ve never told me that?!”
“That’s because I thought you two hated each other, so I didn’t wanna get fired by talking about your exfriend all the time!” Haz burst out laughing, no doubt smug about the fact that he could steal my assistant from me whenever he wanted and she would leave without another word spoken. I was screwed.
“Ahhh, you and I are gonna get along just fine!” he went to hug her again, but I stepped in between.
“T?! What the fuck, broh??”
“What? We’re just vibing! It’s ok, you don’t have to be jealous, Z. ‘Sign of The Times’ is mind-blowing, by the way!” She unlocked her phone and showed her recent listens. “I listened over and over and over—”
“Okay, we get it!” I snapped.
“—can’t even listen without tearing up.”
“Oh yeah?” he tossed an arm over her shoulder. “What’s your favorite part—”
“Guys, can’t we do this shit someplace else? We don’t want people to see us all together, fuckin’ remember??”
“Then why the hell are we standing outside?” Haz retorted.
“That’s exactlyh what I’m sayin!” I shouted. “T, where’s the ride, maan?”
“But it’s Harry Styles!” she squealed.
“Drink it all in—” he spread his arms and she hugged him again.
“Broh, get the fuck over yourself!” I shoved him. “T, car, now. And stop sayin’ his fuckin’ name soh loud, yeah?”
“I’m sorry! Maybe I should call him something else? Like Troy?”
“How about Mark?” I suggested off the cuff, completely at a loss for why I was even participating.
“Wow, you already had one in the holster didn’t you?” she marveled. “Bet I know why…” she winked, which she was awful at. She always accidentally blinked both eyes. And she was already dropping hints about our sex life. I was two seconds away from choking her out, right there on the sidewalk in broad daylight.
“But I was thinking he’s more of a Kevin?” she continued, squinting up at him.
“Wait, do I even get a say?” he laughed.
“Noh, Mark, shut up.” I said. “It’s settled.” A dark SUV pulled up and we hauled in. T took the front seat and Haz took the back with me. He and I fought over the armrest until he settled for laying his arm atop mine. The driver was a stern Turkish woman in a dark suit. She never turned around to see who we were, and it was clear Taryn had instructed her not to.
On the way Haz took ahold of my hand and played with my fingers. He toyed with them gently and deliberately, fully aware he would leave me in puddles all over the seat. No one else ever made me feel this way. Hot and gooey. When G touched my hands, I felt nothing. Just cold and clammy flesh. Her fingers were pretty, but also boney and emotionless.
Yet his hands possessed a mind of their own. Knew me better than he did. Knew my flesh better than I did. Roamers, they were. Interlopers, thieves. What hadn’t they touched? What hadn’t they grasped, squeezed, twisted, or pulled on me? Ugh how I melted for him. I wanted him all the time in every way. Always handling me. Always examining me. Always inside. Nesting. Fiddling with the stings of my heartbeat.
It took all I was not to crawl over onto his lap and kiss him into oblivion. I settled instead for rocking my leg to relieve the tension building up within me. Anxious to get home again. Get him back inside. It was literally all I could think of. His fingers never stopped, which was wild because he risked it among strangers.
Tingles shot through my core, down into my groin. It wasn’t a sexual sensation. Just a degree of intimacy and affection that escaped comprehension. Torrents of warmth, bold and vermillion, raining down on my spirit. Arresting my mind. Recoloring the world around me. Intensifying sound. After he had made love to me for the first time in so long, it all seemed otherworldly.
After everything we’d overcome, he was mine. After nearly a year of not speaking, which had eaten away at my flesh like a venereal disease. Reinforced by the implausible separation in 2015 and 2016. Still he was mine. Even after the Cold War caused by engagement. Even after the all the sleazy birds and strange fucks. Even after our solo careers. After Gigi Hadid finding out and annihilating us. He was here. We were together. No one could change that. We hid from millions. Tucked safely in the temples of a voiceless love. So far off grid that Allah himself couldn’t reach us. Not with all his undying disdain.
(Thanks for reading!❤️)